I have dedicated over a decade of my life understanding what goes on in-between people’s ears. The mind can be a very mysterious place with the brain being one of most complex organs known to man. Because of this, people have countless theories and approaches about what will make you ‘happier’ ‘fulfilled’ or ‘the best version of yourself’.

So let me do you a favour… I will outline the 3 important skills YOU NEED TO DEVELOP!

Self-awareness is one of those skills that a lot of people claim to have but rarely actually do. Being self-aware is about understanding how you navigate the world and why you do it in this way. In order to be self-aware you need to be very honest with yourself and this is where many people fall.

It is difficult to be honest with yourself because it requires almost complete vulnerability and goes against our need to avoid difficult conversations. Think about it, how many tough conversations do you leave for later because you ‘don’t have the time’ or whatever excuse you make?

Being real and truthful to yourself is hard and if you are not able to do this then you are limiting your ability to be truly self-aware. Honesty will allow you to question yourself deeply and unlock knowledge about yourself that would have remained shut to your consciousness. You start to ask yourself:

Was this really someone else’s fault or did I play a role in it?
Do I really agree with the opinions of everyone else or am I afraid to go against the crowd?
Do I actually like Sabrina Carpenter’s music?

We are goal-directed creatures. Most, if not all, of what we do tends to serve a purpose and an objective. Even something as simple as having a day off to relax, has the intended goal of relaxing. Therefore, we go around our lives with goals in mind. Goals of who we want to be, what we want to be known for and what we want our lives to look like.

The great separator between a life we want and one that we don’t is our goals. Our ability to formulate and set goals is very important. This isn’t to say you need to meticulously plan every second of your day in order to have a life you want; however, you do need to set a purpose or intention behind things you’re doing. Some can have very specific and direct intentions like training 4 times a week. While other goals can be more generic yet purposeful, such as doing your best in a competition or seeing your family once a week.

I’ve noticed being able to set goals effectively and being willing to adapt them adds a feeling of control in a person’s life. We all have a need for control (some more than others) and when we feel like this has been satisfied it can lead to greater feelings of life satisfaction, experience of positive emotions and performance.

Here is the magic skill that could resolve a lot of people’s suffering and distress. As a psychologist I’ve spent countless hours addressing my client’s ability to accept. Accepting themselves. Accepting difficult situations. Accepting other people. Acceptance is the art of embracing what is seemingly negative and not causing yourself to suffer more by adding greater meaning or attachment to the negative event.

When we are able to accept that to which we cannot control, we allow ourselves to focus on what truly matters in the moment. As humans, we’re built to worry about everything and we have developed rules in our mind about how things should be. However, when we are able to detach ourselves from this it allows us to become more mentally flexible and able to view the challenges of life through a more helpful lens.

Developing the skill of acceptance is not a small feat. It requires regular and purposeful training, just like any meaningful skill. I cannot emphasise how worthwhile it is to develop this. I’ve seen athletes no longer shy from situations that would cause them anxiety as they view the situation more objectively and no longer engage in thinking “it is awful if something bad happens”. I’ve also had athletes tell me they’re living the life they truly want as they no longer judged themselves and could accept certain parts of themselves.

Final words

There are a range of mental skills that are worth developing, however, through my years of studying and practising in psychology I have found a common thread in the work I do with my clients. Awareness, goal-setting and acceptance are skills I truly believe will change someone's life and require every bit of attention and purposeful practice to develop.

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Article written by Edgar Chekera

3 life-changing skills every psychologist wished you knew

Final words